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MENS ACTION NETWORK |
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Charity No. XR14267 |
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“Supporting and Promoting Male Health and Well-Being” |
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SURVIVING |
Recent statisticsIt is reported that the extent of child sexual abuse in the UK is
1 out of every four children has been abused 38% of girls are sexually abused before the age of 18 16% of boys are sexually abused before the age of 18 90-95% of all sexual abuse cases go unreported to police because victims fear they will not be believed
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Website Designed and maintained by ….Michael Lynch MAN ….last updated 2/1/08 |
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Below are some basic information about the prevalence and impact that sexual abuse has on an individual and also some pointers of where to find help. Please note that this is information is gained from many sources and may not necessarily be endorsed by MAN |
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For the Preservation of Personal BOUNDARIES, You Have the Right . . .
* to be touched only with your permission, and only in ways that are comfortable. |
Useful web sites for survivors
Also these other associated sites
http://www.malesurvivor.org/membership.html
http://www.kasp.org.uk/About%20Us/Staff.asp http://www.lanternproject.org.uk/ http://www.havoca.org/HAVOCA_home.htm http://www.survivors.uk
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As a Matter of Personal AUTHORITY, You Have the Right . . . * to manage your life according to your own values and judgment. |
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Specific to the DOMAIN of Psychotherapy, You Have the Right . . .
* to hire a therapist or counsellor as coach, not boss, of your recovery. |
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In the Sphere of Personal COMMUNICATION, You Have the Right . . .
* to ask for explanation of communications you do not understand. |
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According to the group Help for Adult Victims Of Child Abuse it is important that you become more aware and practised at your rights as an individual and in particular as you seek professional help. |
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FORMS OF ABUSE |
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What is Child Sexual Abuse?
There are four kinds of child abuse: physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and neglect. They are all dangerous to children and they all leave an indelible mark that lasts for the lifetime of the individual, which, in some cases, is cut tragically short as a direct result of the abuse they suffered. Here we will concentrate on sexual abuse in an attempt to understand what it is; the harm is does and how to recover from its lasting impact. In the majority of cases of child sexual abuse, the sexual abuse itself doesn't start straight away. Perpetrators employ a process of subtle manipulation called 'grooming' that entraps the child over a period of time into a secret relationship, designed for one purpose only - the sexual gratification of the perpetrator. This process starts with the development of a 'friendship' that gradually becomes sexualized. When the perpetrator feels their victim is sufficiently groomed, he or she will begin to exposure the child to the subject of sex; talking about it at first, then showing them sexual material such as pornographic magazines and videos. This then leads to increased displays of affection and touching. Eventually, the sexual nature of the grooming process becomes more overt, involving looking at the child's sexual organs and showing the child the perpetrator's sexual organs. Sexual contact will then follow. This will include touching the child's genitals by hand; kissing or sucking the child's genitals; placing objects against or into the child's genitals and, finally, vaginal or anal intercourse. The child is usually persuaded to do the same thing to the perpetrator, with the exception of intercourse, which can only happen if the child is male and old enough to have an erection. Once the sexual activity has begun, subtle or even not so subtle demands for secrecy increase, underpinned by implied or direct threats. The perpetrator will tell the child that they may be harmed if they say anything to anyone. They will be told that members of their family or perhaps their pet may also be harmed. They may also be told that they will be taken away from their family if they tell. Finally, they will be told that because they too took part in the 'secret', they will be held responsible, and great punishment will follow. It is this last piece of the process that locks the child into secrecy through guilt. It is probably the most destructive part of the process in terms of the lasting psychological damage it causes. Once the abusive relationship has reached this point, the child has become completely trapped by the perpetrator, both physically and psychologically, and they will become overwhelmed by feelings of emotional confusion. As these feelings develop, the child will start to display a deviation in its normal behaviour. This is because on the one hand, the child's mind wants to avoid the distress caused by the emotional confusion, but on the other hand, the child is unable to tell anyone about the abuse, either through fear of being harmed or blamed or both. Consequently, the child will begin to act out their distress which will show itself in a number of ways such as a marked decline in school performance, increasing bad behaviour and truancy. The child may also complain frequently of headaches and stomachaches. This may be followed by the onset of psychological problems such eating disorders, depression, anxiety and attention deficit disorder. The impact and consequences of the abuse can be measured in two parts. The first is the impact on the child at the time, which takes the form of a gradual decline in the psychosocial functioning of the child. As the child grows up, they will experience difficulties in developing interpersonal relationships, often leading to either a complete withdrawal from intimate relationships or, alternatively, compulsive sexual addiction. In some cases, both behaviors can be displayed. As the individual becomes an adult, they will begin to suffer from a range of complex and damaging psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorders and personality disorders, any one of which, depending on the degree of severity, can result in major problems with relationships, and make tasks such as parenting and going to work almost impossible. Once it starts, the deterioration in physical and mental health will continue until the individual finally suffers from some form of traumatic breakdown, often diagnosed as a post-traumatic stress disorder, and usually accompanied by a depressive illness. Unless treated, this degree of mental decline can lead to the individual taking their own life, as they perceive suicide to be the only way of escape from the torment and confusion they feel. However, as dark and as awful as the problems may seem at the time, victims of child sexual abuse can recover, regardless of age, and go on to live happy and fulfilled lives. The recovery process begins when the victim finally discloses what happened to them. From then on, with the support of counseling from a trained professional, they will be able to re-build their lives, reclaiming their lost childhood in the process and discharging themselves from the burden of guilt, shame and self-loathing that will have inevitably been a major part of their lives up to that point. |
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VERBAL ABUSE
• name calling "This the most common form of abuse, and usually it is present in all other types of abuse. Often people overlook" verbal "abuse and may accept it as normal behavior. However, it is a type of abuse. In most cases the abuser will eventually progress to abusing the significant other in other ways, the abuse becoming increasingly severe."
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
• threatening to harm the other "As a result of" emotional abuse, "the victim may experience fear – of the abuser, of being harmed, or of others finding out about the abuse – as well as feeling trapped, worthless, and exploited." Emotional abuse "involves objectification. This occurs when abusers begin to view their significant others as possessions, objects they own, rather than people. Objectifying their significant others makes it easier for abusers to abuse. It is much easier to abuse an object than a person." "Although many people differentiate between" verbal and emotional abuse, "the differences are small." "The effects are often more devastating and long-lasting than other forms of abuse."
SEXUAL ABUSE
· unwanted sexual comments or gestures |